i have the right
to wonder what its like
to kiss her like you did me
touch her like you did me
does it make your skin itch
and your brain go insane
wishing it was me instead
craving the feeling of me
my hair, my cheeks, body
does it kill you inside
that you lost someone
who gave you their whole being
i enjoy the loudness of the music
playing into my ears
i enjoy having the windows down
and my hair flying behind me
nothing feels as good
as the beach water
flooding your toes on a hot day
and the laughs that you share
nothing feels as good as fruit
dripping down your chin
while flavors burst
like fireworks in your mouth
and nothing feels like sand
stuck on your feet
and in your hands
nothing feels as good
as getting home, tired yet cozy
and passing out
after the water and sun all day
nothing feels as good
as being happy
stay right here
where the light is bright
and the worries have vanished
but only if youre okay
with loving me
so terribly much
because im sick
of loving others so fucking much
then being left alone
with the gruesome thoughts
that dance around my head
and im sick of being
treated like shit, i deserve
more than the fake bullshit
you spewed at me
saying “i love you” when it was a lie
and pretending that you cared
youre a horrible person
youre such an asshole
i cant believe i ever loved you
but i have to learn from my mistakes
somehow
i dont want to be alone
where my thoughts crowd in
but theres nothing more sweet
than being alone with thoughts of you
holding and kissing me
like you once did
each second youre on my mind
is like a ticking bomb
and im just waiting and waiting
for time to run out
and for you to be by my side
but i know thats not right
thats not what i need
thats not for the best
but want
its want, want, want
and i want you to fucking apologize
for breaking me
like i was nothing to you
but lips to kiss
and one more heart to crush
i want you to apologize
because youve turned me into my own enemy
in many different forms
we are the same
same sad eyes
same sadness inside
we share the same love
for boys and caffeine
maybe because deep down
we know we cant be saved
but we’ll drown ourselves
in things that make us empty
same big smile while we laugh
same thoughts
same need to be needed
in many different ways
i have found myself thinking
we are the same
Layla's Poems 