how i wish i could feel your
body heat warming my skin
fingers running through my hair
how i wish i could see your
cute smirk, fluffy blonde hair
to feel you with me
kissing my lips, neck, body
how i long to feel you
giggling against my body
filling with happiness
smiling like crazy
and for once i want it
to be all because of me
i want you to want me
old songs carry so much
like the pain in my chest
but the grin on my face
as each word is sang
every one like a bullet
i cant help but wonder
if these songs meant anything
or were coping methods
for the heavy chest
and the tear soaked eyes
but i know that they’re me
somehow in my soul, veins
i have the right
to wonder what its like
to kiss her like you did me
touch her like you did me
does it make your skin itch
and your brain go insane
wishing it was me instead
craving the feeling of me
my hair, my cheeks, body
does it kill you inside
that you lost someone
who gave you their whole being
ive never seen eyes like yours
emerald green
so bright and big
ive never seen eyes so sad
from sweet ecstasy
to pure regret
i knew it was me
who caused the sadness
in those eyes
but youve never told me
how my eyes look
how they sparkle brown
and how they glimmer with tears
because it was too much for you
you couldnt handle it
youre a fucking coward
i hate fighting with people
and i hate the anger
that comes with confrontation
but mostly i hate the feeling
of guilt i should not be feeling
instead it should feel good
like im fighting for myself
fur us to be
but nothings changed
and i see it wont ever
so what am i to do?
i enjoy the loudness of the music
playing into my ears
i enjoy having the windows down
and my hair flying behind me
nothing feels as good
as the beach water
flooding your toes on a hot day
and the laughs that you share
nothing feels as good as fruit
dripping down your chin
while flavors burst
like fireworks in your mouth
and nothing feels like sand
stuck on your feet
and in your hands
nothing feels as good
as getting home, tired yet cozy
and passing out
after the water and sun all day
nothing feels as good
as being happy
i hate most things
about summer and the heat
like the way the sun
kisses my skin
how i remember you kissing me
and the way the breeze
moves my hair from my neck
like you did
but i mostly hate
the warm memories
of trees and leaves
with muddy grounds
and rotting fences
i hate how in love
we felt
i hate how deep i had fallen
sometimes i feel so dumb
sometimes i feel worthless
like if i disappeared
no one would bat an eye
and i could be one less thing
that gets in the way
one less thing
that causes stress and anger
and i could disappear from your life
forever
just as you wish
because i tried to hard
to make you happy
but i fucking didnt
and it kills me because
you didnt fucking try
when i gave you everything
and you just walked away
like i didnt love you
like i didnt give you my life
like i didnt matter
you walked away
when i fucking needed you most
and i cant ever forgive you for it.
im not sure how i fucked up
but i always do eventually
even though i thought it was different
beacause with you it was easy
i know youre angry
but i cant help how i feel
and how you make me
so fucking mad
when you act like
im nothing
but a fucking joke
in your life
because i was much more before he came along
and ripped you away
out of my hands
as if you belonged to him
and you were property
to be bought
but you are so much more
than that
you are bright
and happiness
if only you could see for yourself
who you are
as i sit in my bed
with everything of you
stuck on replay in my head
i know i have to choose
between the pain of you
or the relief of life
and the joy of being myself
because i cant live on
with you stuck to me
like glue on paper
because i wont ever
be myself when youre around
you poison me
you were always toxic
and i couldnt fucking breathe
with you always with me
maybe i cant let go
maybe you stole
a piece of me
to keep forever
but i cant live
when im not whole
so leave me alone
and fuck off
and let me be myself
Layla's Poems 